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Welcome to the Fabulous 'FACE' Page!
Well, as you probably can tell, this is all about FACES and all things to do with faces! Learn how to Face fight and read about two scary faces on Thamesdale! Have you checked out the face diseases? That list just continues to grow!
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Face Fighting!
Na,Na,Na! This is not head-butting. This is an all new sport founded by non other than da well 'ard kid! You use your face to win fights. Primitive as it may sound, but actually it is the quickest growing sport in da port!
5pts - successful 'chin kick'
10pts - successful 'face but'
15pts - successful 'wiggly face but'
20pts - successful 'cheek crack'
10 penalty pts - 'headbutt'
10 penalty pts - Deep face freeze
15 penalty pts - 'face hardener' (e.g Brick in gob!)
20 penalty pts - 'glasses clash'
IMMEDIATE DISQULIFICATION - 'teeth chew'
The first face-fighter to get a score of 200 points wins da well 'ard and incredibly cool face fight! So far I and Sean are the champions!
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UM! A lake! Some poor kids face got a slicing here after he went out to another kid who used his 'ard eyebrows to cut him. Good move!
Kid who got his face slicing - 60
Kid who won da fight - 200 |
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The Scary Thamesdale Wrinkly Face!
This has to be the scariest site Down Da Whitby! This face looks well and truely dead. This horrible wrinkly face is spotted in a certain house nearly every single weekday! It seems to be watching Sean and I walk past every day on our way home from school. What does it want from us? This is a face you daren't have a face fight with, in fear of catching the deadly wrinkles! Who is it or what is it? It is certainly no mirror image of my nice face! There doesn't even seem to be a connecting body! This face uses rotting slippery leaves and a spiky tree outside the window to slow your escape, so you are made to look at it for a lenghy period! Does anyone have any details on what this is and put us and everyone on Thamesdale at rest so we can sleep easily! (Well, I'm sooooooo 'ard that I could face fight it, or BOB could butt it!) |
A veeeeerrrrryyyy pretty face indeed!
The Fantastic Column on 'FACE' records!
William Burton (Nottingham, aged 21) streched his face out by half a metre in front of 25,000 Nittingham Forest fans on 19/03/1996. Everyone screamed!
Mark Plintshaw (Coventry, aged 40) has the record for the longest face spasm ever! He was also the first person to catch the deadly disease of 'BRAINBLOCK' after he won the first face fight championship on 11/11/1987. It lasted a face perishing 29 minutes and 4 seconds. He has perminant face damage and will never face fight again!
Fred Gillingham (Whichurch, aged 13) holds the record for most acne on a face. He had an amazing 286 spots on his face. The date he hit this peak was 04/09/1999.
Sean Smith (Da Port, aged 16) has the most unluckiest face in the lad! He holds the current record for most times a face has stalles in ten seconds - twice! Amazingly, he still is ranked 2nd under Da well 'ard kid! (me). This poor face reliablity was at school on several occasions over 01/2001.
Gary Hayman (Da Port, aged 15) went crazy one day and said "face" repeatidly 2634 times before he slapped himself to stop on 30/06/1998. Scientists believe this to be related to the deadly 'BRAINBLOCK'.
Alex Victor (Carlisle, aged 17) holds the record for most consecutive face fight wins - 24/30 in one season. This was over the 1991 season. Only Gary Hayman has come close with 20 consecutive wins over the 2000 season.
John Powell (Da Port, aged 15)has just broke the record for the largest expulsion of facial air. It lasted 7.5 seconds and he was delighted to break this record on 31/1/2000
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Thamesdale Dog with a Face!
This is a dog with one hell of a fat face! It has eyes and a gob that is full of razer sharp fangs! It particularly likes nibbling on the head that is closest to the gate (usually me, but has nibbled on Sean once!). The very first time it happened, I thought he was just trying to Face Fight me! I said "WWHHAATTTT", but then I realised he was'nt face fighting! I looked up to see 3 very sharp fangs in my skull!, so deep it was tickling my giant brain! Sean and I gave him 15 penalty points! It growled at me. So I rang up BOB and he came and butted it!
The 'Face' Police
These are a new police force! They thrive on arresting people who do nothing but face fight! They hang around in bushes, trees, peoples gardens and in cars watching your every move! Just one crack with someone else's face can land you a 120 pounds fine and 3 points on your face licence! 12 points will see your face removed by the face poice themselves! They wear navy blue pants and a navy blue top with the word 'FACE' on them! If you are not a face fighting expert, you wont escape from them! Take some tips from me! Firstly, the best places to face fight are in school or Down Da Whitby. The face police have never been seen in a school and rarely Down da Whitby. The face police only seem to say the words "Kill da face!" when they are near. Most are faggits and can be butted with little hasstle if you are seeded at least 40 in the 'ardness rankings!
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A shot of 'FACEROCK'. This is where the best go to train and carve their faces to perfection!!
FACEITIS - This is artheritis on your face. Your face will be frozen solid!
FACEWIBBLES - This is where your face cant stop rolling round and round!
BRAINBLOCK - Only experienced face fighters get this deadly, un-cureable disease! This is where your face goes into an un controlable spasm and the only way to stop it is to smack your head! Ouch!
WINDFACE - This is where your face freezes when the wind blows on it! Dont pull too much of a face when the wind blows! It will freeze for 5 years!
POKE-E-FACE - This is believed to be related to the deadly brainblock. It is simply where your finger pokes your face for about 5 minutes! There is no cure as yet!
FINGERGNAW - This is the second disease related to Brainblock. This is where you lose control of your finger and it will be in-advertainly placed into your gob where your face will gently gnaw it!
BIG BOB GRIN - This is where your face suddenly put's on one of BOB's big grins! there is no cure and should start to ware off after 10 minutes!
Will any more be discovered?
F A C E W A R S ! !
Face Wars is like the programme 'Robot Wars' only you use your face to fight with, using any hardner neccessary (head butting still not allowed though!). Only the campions of face fighters are allowed in! Chains are pierced onto faces as they battle to rip off someone elses face to win the heat! The most craziest faces have had flamethrowrs & chainsaws inserted! The face that has caused the most damage and face blood wins! Crazy or what!
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