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Welcome to the truely amazing 'Kool KRRRAAAAK' Page!
Well, after finishing my FACE page, there was strong demand for a further extension to my amazing web-site! So I have dedicated this page to the painful cracking of bones. Having arthritis, this is a common procedure for me!
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Kool Elbow KRRRAAAAAAAKs!
Have you ever 'cracked' your elbow before? If so, have you tried persuading your elbow to 'KRRRAAAAK'? If not:
1) Bend your elbow up towards your chest.
2) Hit the elbow joint several times rather quickly
3) Straighten your elbow out and back up again very quickly whilst pulling a big BOB grin! |
Kool Back KRRRAAAAKs!
Back cracking is the most satisfing crack you can physically do! There are several ways to KRRRAAAAK your back!
1) Wack it hard against a hard wall or floor
2) Bend your back into an 'n' shape
3) Do some weeding in your garden, then stand upright
4) Sit up rather quickly after lying flat for hours
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Kool Knee KRRRAAAAKs!
Only people with certain disabilities can properly KRRRAAAAK their knees! It's best when you have got out of bed first thing and when you move it violently! Just listen to that knee! 'KKKKKKRRRRRRRAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK' |
Kool ankle KRRRAAAAKs!
Having artheritis in the right ankle, my ankle always cracks! Lucky me! Well, to krrraaaak your ankle, you must:
1) Stand on it funny then attempt to walk!
2) Keep it still in an uncomfortable position then put pressure on it suddenly.
3) Get a strong mate to break it (e.g BOB)
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Kool fingers KRRRAAAAKs!
Not many people can do this well, and me as da 'ardest kid, am no different. The only people I know can do it well (and make it sound painful) are Andrew Gore, Joe Downie and John Powell.
Basically, put pressure on them and push down hard! If you are lucky, you will be able to get a huge KRRRAAAAK from them all at once! You will need to ask the two punks named above for handy tips!
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Kool Neck KRRRAAAAKs!
Now this is truely painful! Turn your head as far as it can go (any direction) then force it across to the other end quickly! Just listen to the crack on that! Another way to crack your neck is to keep it still for long periods then move it, or for a better 'KRRRAAAAK' keep it twisted for a long period! It is like WOW man!
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New MINI
This car has had a lot of press already, but it hadn't appeared on this site until now! Anyway, BMW made a very smart move in keeping the MINI brand. The all new model is simply stunning, despite only having two models ("One" & "Cooper"). A third, the "Cooper S" is to follow shortly. This new MINI keeps almost all of it's go-kart style handling and is a doddle to drive, it is such a ppity that it's driving position isn't a touch better! Comfort wise, this MINI leavs the old model for dust and there is a very wide choice of options and interior trims, my favourates being the common red cotton & black leather, followed by the full Beige Leather. Build quality is typically German and practicallity is not too bad considering either! The only area where this new model dissapoints is performance. All come with a 1.6 16v lump, but neither model is at all quick, infact, even the Cooper is no more than, well "warm"! 60 comes up in a yawning 9 seconds! Nethertheless, a cracking little shopping trolley! GARY'S RATING 9/10
You have already missed:
New Vauxhall Corsa 7/10
New Ford Mondeo 10/10
New Renault Laguna II 9/10
Peugeot 607 8/10
Ford Fiesta 8/10 |
Gary's Totally Unbiased FOOTBALL FOCUS Column
Today's 'ard focus - The current tables. Paul Young has been moaning at me to keep this up to date. Well, here it is, Paul!
TOTTENHAM were beaten 2-0 away to Arsenal in front of new manager Glen Hoddle, oh dear!.
MANCHESTER UNITED, crap as usual, lost 2-0 to a very impressive 10-man Liverpool side. Well done Liverpool and the goals were top class!.
BRADFORD are now probably certain to get relegated!
TRANMERE ROVERS loose again at home. this time 4-1 to Fulham, Bye to Div 1 for Tranmere it seems!
MIDDLEBROUGH loose their second game with 'Tel' as manager! Well done chelsea!
SUNDERLAND were cheated and robbed of another easy home win to Leeds. Questions are asked over where these refs are from.
SOUTHAMPTON loose manager, Glen Hoddle, who I wont forget who hates disabled people.
COVENTRY don't look happy in 19th do they? Well who actually like them, especially Gordan Stracken!
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Well, as you already know (having read the rest of the site) I am da 'ardest kid in 'Da Port'. If you add both the 'ardest bloke and 'ardest kid, I come in as second! Take a look at the table below!
1) BOB My amazing web-site mascot, he is the 'ardest person!
2) Da well 'ard Kid! Me.
3) Herman One of BOB's physco mates!
4) Lenny Another one of BOB's twisted buddys
5) Fred He told the council he was dead, so he didn't have to pay taxes any more!
6) Kenny Lost 5th place recently due to a heavy defeat over BOB! But still really 'ard!
7) Stan A new entry. Stan is a mini-BOB, but isn't as good at headbutting warehouses down. Very fast.
More coming soon!
KOOL KRRRAAAAK RECORDS!
John Powell (Da Port, aged 15) did the longset jaw crack ever. He put 4 tangerines in his gob at once in R.E (year 8). He ate them all and you should have heard his jaw 'KRRRAAAAK' when it went back into it's socket! This krak sounded off on 19/10/1997
Gary Hayman (Da Port, aged 15) did the loudest back crack ever. His mum forced him to weed the driveway. He protested due to back problems. After being shouted at, he bent down and his back 'KRRRAAAAK'ed to the eqivalent of 118db. This KRRRAAAAK kraked on 3/3/2000
Gary Hayman (Da Port, aged 15) has the record for the only person to create a double ankle crack. He was in Sunderland at the time. He got out of bed in the morning to hear his ankle go KrakKrack! this was on 10/12/2000
Paul Stevens (Bristol, aged 21) produced the largest ever neck crack after entangling his neck in a seatbelt after he crashed his car head-on. He untangled the belt which held his neck in a rather uncomfortable position, he twisted his neck and a 7 second long KKKRRRAAAKKK was the result, ouch! (23/02/2001)
Joe Downie (Da Port, aged 16) has just broke the record for the loudest finger crack ever. He cracked all of his fingers in a suspiciously quiet English lesson and each crack was the best part of 90db! This kool kraking took place on 06/04/2001
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Do you like this page?
Do you like this amazingly 'ard page for bone crackers? Just sed me an e-mail on
gaz@downdavalley.fsnet.co.uk
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